tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5140999662040898062.post7509300337528844839..comments2024-01-19T11:06:45.541-08:00Comments on <a href="http://brassbolts.blogspot.com">Brass Bolts</a>: Prologue ComparisonMark Fengerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01922616270777907779noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5140999662040898062.post-43481466511656689892011-03-02T13:55:31.281-08:002011-03-02T13:55:31.281-08:00It's not actually irrelevant to the main plot....It's not actually irrelevant to the main plot. It accomplishes a few important things in the broader scope of the story and one specific role for the prologue.<br /><br />First, I had beta readers who were annoyed that it took several chapters for me to really show what a synari is, this gives it in the first page. It also establishes the synari as a sympathetic group and it establishes the conflict between human and synari which forms the backdrop of the story.<br /><br />The riot and subsequent gas attack also gives Elsa a chance to escape the Institute with 'her' baby unnoticed.<br /><br />I suppose I could start a little earlier, with Heinrich getting shot. I'll think about that.Mark Fengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01922616270777907779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5140999662040898062.post-33824248666166543632011-03-02T13:42:20.393-08:002011-03-02T13:42:20.393-08:00The second version is SO much better. The only par...The second version is SO much better. The only part where you're still "telling" instead of "showing" is "Heinrich had been shot while trying to storm a blockade". That should be shown - or Utte could run up to him and see the blood (and react). Never skim over the exciting bits.<br /><br />But I have a bad feeling that this whole scene is, technically, irrelevant to your main plot (except for being very sad, and very fun to read). Promotional short story link-in?<br /><br />Louise CurtisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com